Happy V day

Well, it's Valentine's Day.
We never celebrate. I don't like commercial holidays, especially ones that involve being locked in a poorly-lit room with 30 other couples
while partaking of bad food, sappy, 70s Italian swingers set on "low" in the background.
No thanks. I prefer the usual:
Hubby works late. I have a gin tonic, a dip in the hot tub, and pull out
some gay porn.
Not necessarily in that order, but, on occasion, necessarily at the same time.

This year hubby doesn't fail me. I've got about an hour before he gets back which is plenty of time
to enjoy a cool drink in some steaming water while watching two men get it on.
And if this offends anyone in any way, well they can just fk off. Why? Because I find two guys getting it on hot, especially if I am imagining that the two men are Brad Pitt and that
hottie from Thirty Seconds Jared Leto. And I am not afraid to admit it.
Now I can easily substitute either one with Colin Farrell, or a handful of others, but the aforementioned combination usually does
it for me.

So, before I get going, I wanted to share what happened on the bus today. Now, since I am partially hearing-impaired at the moment
I feel I have the liberty to poke fun at Mole girl.
I was coming home on the bus, and the bus passes in front of the Vodafone building which is a) ENORMOUS and b) marked by
about 20 signs and a gigantic red billboard.
Mole girl gets on...dirty blond hair, dressed like her younger sister...and sporting the thickest pair of glasses I have ever seen.
She was on her mobile, trying in vain to excuse herself for being late to this job interview, but she "got lost" she kept saying..."I just can't find it,"
she insisted.
Now, I began to think two things: a) she's retarded or b) she is going to Vodafone and hasn't seen the fucking signs. Which pretty much
means she's retarded.
As soon as she is off the phone, (having already passed Vodafone mind you), she catches my gaze...damn me for staring.
"Excuse me...I need to go to Vodafone. Do you know where it is cuz I'm late and I have this interview and I've been up and down this road 3 times..."
Whoa, Nelly.
"Vodafone?" I ask shyly. "We just passed it."
(Squinting) "Where?" she inquires.
"Um, back there..." I point.
"No, that can't be it."
I start to become annoyed. "Yes it is."
Apparently I don't have a face you can trust.
"I'm going to ask the driver."
"You're welcome." Bitch.

So she walks up to the front and repeats her little soliloquy to the disinterested driver.
"It's back there," he mumbles.
What happened next made me almost pee myself.
"It can't be..." her voice began to rise. "I've been up and down this road 3 times and ...."
The driver looks over and says "Vodafone, no?"
"Yes" confused girl responds.
"You mean the Vodafone back there with the 20 meter-tall blazing red Vodafone sign in the front of the building...Jesus Christ lady
how could you NOT see it FOUR times???"
I thought she was going to weep.
"I better get off."
"Yeah, you better."
She proceeded to ask if she could be let off in the middle of an intersection, whilst the bus found itself in the left-turn lane.
Needless to say she didn't exit there, and I would wager she didn't get that job either.

Happy Valentine's y'all.