now what the hell?

I am losing my mind it seems. Things are taking their toll on me. I am desperately trying to concentrate, keep the blinders on, continue forward. Yet, it's not working. There are distractions.
My mind itself created a whole bunch these past two weeks making it nearly impossible for me to have made any real progress in my studies. And time flies. Tic toc tic toc. My concentration is shot, apparently the blinders were kept in place with post-its, because they keep slipping. And my legs are heavy with despair and passive-aggressive resistance to the idea of these exams.
Yet, I must remember how much is riding on the outcome of all this. How important it is so as not to completely eradicate what I have worked a year to achieve, then lose, then partially regain.
I beseech myself to get it together. I have been so brave thus far, how can I falter now?

wow!

Today I stopped by the pet shop and found vegan cat food!
I had to look twice to be sure I was reading the label correctly, but there
it was, "NO ANIMALS WERE KILLED TO MAKE THIS FOOD, 100% VEGAN FEED" staring me in the face. I'm sure to all you cosmopolitan people out there this may not be
news at all, but I was shocked. Here I was, giving my kitties holistic bio
meat (I wonder if they have Almonature in America?) which is still
worlds better than what those scientists at Iams or Purina produce.
But I was in search of a possible alternative.
I still intend to feed them Almo because I sort of feel bad about forcing my cats
to be vegan when it's in their nature to eat meat (and they don't have a voice with which
to express consent).
But it's nice to be able to
vary their diet and not always have to give them 19 euros of chicken or
salmon and be able to provide 15 euro veggie feed. The experiment began
this evening. We'll see how much they eat by morning.

how time flies 2

Wow. It has been, again, a really long time.
What has happened since I last wrote?
Well, I worked a lot. Then I went far away, to a place
that made me feel completely out of this world.
The hurricane just missed us and while the south now
trembles I am relieved that it is now down to a level 3
storm. Still...
In the meantime, my parents moved and my brother changed schools.
I just got bit by an unidentified spider and now I am praying
that necrosis doesn't set in. I mean I am really really afraid
of losing a limb. The bite continues to swell and itch like a bitch and
I can do nothing but wait.
On a tragic note, the other night my husband's childhood friend died in
a scooter accident. Details are still hazy, but Christ-on-a-Cross what does
it mean when a 31-year-old man dies for no reason whatsoever while coming
home from work?! What a pointless death for a great guy, who had an incredible
future in front of him as an athlete. Again, I can't help but think that if God actually
exists he must be laughing his ass off at all this nonsense and suffering in the world.
I really don't have much else to say. I am too tired and bitter to analyze anything.