Alprazolam you are my friend

I don't know what's happened to me over the last few months, or maybe it's been years, but I realize that I have become painfully shy and socially awkward. I was always quiet and a bit detached, but I notice that I am withdrawing further and further into myself as time passes.
My anthropophobia and agoraphobia/demophobia have got worse, and I have begun to dread attending any function where there are people I don't already know, but even a trip to the supermarket or the bus ride to work can get me anxious. I fear strangers speaking to me or insulting me. (And gratuitous insults actually happen quite often here in Milan. People are crazier than I am). In an effort to shield myself from this I am perpetually attached to my mp3 player with my nose in a book. I try to look as unapproachable as possible. Generally it works.
I think a lot of it does boil down to my living here in Italy. Even though years have passed, and in many ways I have assimilated into this sometimes strange culture, I still don't feel it my own. I feel alone and "different" and the strength of these sensations makes me externalize my discomfort. As a result I fear I either intimidate people, wrongly look snobbish, and/or scare the bloody hell out of everyone. I would really like to go for being ignored.
It takes a long time for me to open up with new people, and once/if I do I still feel like I am constantly under scrutiny. The pressure suffocates.

Strangely enough, my job allows me to "play" a different person for an hour and a half at a time. The classroom is my stage and I fear no one for I am QUEEN. Step out of line on my time and hell will break loose. But when the bell rings, and my curtain drops, I am yet again locked in a closet with my monsters.

I don't spend enough time in the States to understand if my timid nature extends also to being with my long-time friends, though I don't think so as they are people who knew me at my worst (and so there would be no need for me to fear judgment from them now). Still I am amazed that in my condition I was able to make any friends at all. There must be something in me yet if my old friends remain.
Drinking helps in overcoming the shyness, and so does Xanax, but I have recently radically reduced my intake of both and so in the future I won't be able to count on my Alprazolam cocktail to give me the courage to socially interact. My best behaviour at parties is to hold a glass of wine, sit in a corner, and smile. Making me look like some mental patient released on parole for her monthly "day out"...