screw this

Sunday morning at 6am I woke up to pee and stepped out of bed into a pool of vomit.
Nice. Thank you, kitties.
Panicking, mostly because I had barf on my feet, I fumbled around on the desk
in a desperate attempt to find something with which I could a) clean up
or b) kill the cats.
I opted for the former and extracted two sheets of paper out of the printer, onto
which I stepped and slid over to the bathroom where I could finally wash without
trailing puke all through the house. I am fortunate we have marble flooring and no rugs
or carpets. Cat barf is a common occurrence in this house.
After a rosary of swear words I returned to wipe up the mess, climbed back into bed, and proceeded to fall into a coma
out of which I awoke in a cold sweat at 10am. Another nightmare.
They have started again. I have frequent nightmares, and a few recurrent ones.
I am often being chased, shot at, or followed. If not anxiety-ridden, I am plain terrified.
Other times I find myself walking up and down stairs that have no end. I open doors that lead to
nowhere. Sometimes I dream of people in furry suits (bears, bunnies, and the like)
who, stolen out of some Lynch-esque flick, stare at me. It's unnerving.
With everything that is going on in my life right now, I am not surprised I wake up screaming.
Weather here has been total crap the past few days, which hasn't at all helped my mood.
Today I had no patience for anyone. All my students (well, the few that actually showed), seemed
to have forgotten everything they have learned. It's the best feeling a teacher can have.
"Bloody hell," I thought, "it's a good thing you've been coming here for 8 months, eh?"
It's been a couple of days of stupid questions about things
I know they know already. What the hell.
There is something stirring within me and it ain't pretty. I am just about to tell everyone and everything
to shove it. I thought it might be fun tomorrow to show up at work dressed in some of my "darker" garb and scare the hell out of everyone. Smoky eyes and burgundy lipstick ought to complete the costume.
I am getting a bit fed up with rules, regulations, and what is "expected of me." Especially since playing by the rules and being honest have thus far got me nowhere.
I have reached a point where
I would be happiest if no one expected anything at all.